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考研作文中句子如何修改潤色?

  在考研英語寫作中評卷人往往特別重視作文的遣詞造句是否高級,為此,不少作文模板應運而生,但這些模板很容易被生搬硬套,而且有被用濫的趨勢,使用效果并不好。實際上,比使用模板更好的方法是對常用的句式進行修改變換,使得普通的句子看起來更有高級感。下面是一些常見的潤色技巧:
 
  1.如何將短句變長
 
  考研作文特別強調句式多樣,句子長短錯落有致,為了做到這一點,我們可以通過分詞、從句、介詞或形容詞詞組等形式將若干簡單句整合為長句,這樣不僅能使句與句之間的聯系更加緊密,而且還能增強整篇文章的邏輯性和連貫性。舉一個考研圖畫題的例子:
 
  我們可以先用幾個簡單句來描述圖中的現象:
 
  (1) A father is sitting on the ground.
 
  (2) He is surrounded by his three sons and one daughter.
 
  (3) They guard the net like a goalkeeper.
 
  (4) They have kicked him back and forth like a football.
 
  接下來我們需要將這幾個簡單句整合為一個復合句。先確定最核心的成分,寫出主句:
 
  In the picture we can see a father sitting on the ground.
 
  接下來再根據邏輯關系將第二句接上:
 
  In the picture we can see a father sitting on the ground, surrounded by his three sons and one daughter.
 
  使用定語從句接上第三句和第四句:
 
  In the picture we can see a father sitting on the ground, surrounded by his three sons and one daughter who guard the net like a goalkeeper and who have kicked him back and forth like a football.
 
  最后再加上其他的修飾成分,比如可以用elderly來修飾父親,用forlornly來形容父親孤零零地坐在地上的狀態,同時對句子進行微調:like a goalkeeper與like a football用法有點重復,可以考慮將like a football改為as if he were a football,最后得到的句子是:
 
  In the picture we can see an elderly father sitting forlornly on the ground, surrounded by his three sons and one daughter who guard the net like a goalkeeper and who have kicked him back and forth as if he were a football.
 
  在圖畫作文開頭描述畫面時可以考慮采用這種方法對普通句進行整合,但在整合句式的時候要特別注意不要犯低級的語法錯誤,否則會適得其反。
 
  2.去掉there be句型
 
  There be 句型很容易使用,但也很容易被濫用。在考場作文中我們可以見到大量there be 引導的句子,但它們絕大多數可以精簡。很多同學喜歡在考研圖畫作文的第一段用there be句型來描述圖畫中的內容,例如:
 
  There is an American girl who wears a traditional Chinese dress in the picture.
 
  我們可以將句子改為:
 
  The picture depicts an American girl wearing a traditional Chinese dress.
 
  又比如:
 
  There are widespread rumours of job losses.
 
  可以改寫為:
 
  Rumours of job losses abound.
 
  there be 句型一般表示“某地有某物”,在修改時,可以使用一個恰當的動詞進行替換(比如上面句子中的 abound )。
 
  再比如:
 
  There were more foreign students in the classroom than the natives.
 
  可以改寫為:
 
  Foreign students outnumbered the natives in the classroom.
 
  除了去掉 there be 結構之外,這里還使用 outnumber 來代替 more...than... 這一個比較結構。類似的詞還有 outlive, outshine, outclass, outgrow, outperform 等。
 
  3.替換if從句
 
  If從句意為“如果……那么……”,這一句型在考研寫作中有大量應用。我們同樣可以采用一些技巧將if從句進行變換。舉個例子:
 
  If we fail to solve environmental problems, future generations will suffer.
 
  可以將if we fail to do something替換為名詞表達failure to do something,同時對相應的動詞進行詞性變換,這樣可以讓句子結構更加緊湊,表達效果更好:
 
  Failure to solve environmental problems will cause/result in the suffering of future generations.
 
  再舉個例子:
 
  If the government intervenes, house prices will decrease.
 
  可以將If the government intervenes改為名詞形式government intervention,句子可以改為:
 
  Government intervention will push down house prices.
 
  4.替換although/even though從句
 
  受中文表達習慣影響,很多人容易將although/even though與but連用,避免出現這一問題的方法是對它們進行替換,這樣在句式上也會更加多樣。舉個例子:
 
  Although the city has many problems, it is still the best place for the young and ambitious.
 
  我們可以用despite/in spite of+名詞表達的形式來代替although從句:
 
  In spite of / despite its many problems, the city is still the best place for the young and ambitious.
 
  又比如:
 
  Although he did not receive formal education, he is a good actor and director.
 
  我們可以將它改為:
 
  He is a good actor and director in spite of his lack of formal education.
 
  5.省略關系代詞
 
  除了 there be 句型之外,定語從句在考場作文中的使用頻率也非常高。但從簡潔性的角度考慮,絕大多數的定語從句同樣可以精簡,比如:The picture depicts an American girl who wears a traditional Chinese dress. 可以改為:The picture depicts an American girl wearing a traditional Chinese dress.
 
  又比如:
 
  From childhood, he had an instinct that made him excited and interested in all things which were electronic.
 
  可以改寫成:
 
  From childhood, he had an instinctive feel for all things electronic.
 
  這里將關系代詞 which 以及 that 省略,并且原句中 made him excited and interested in 語義重復,可以使用 instinctive feel 來代替。
 
  同時,我們可以使用非謂語形式來對一些定語從句進行替換。舉個例子:
 
  Because of traffic congestion, commuters have to spend long hours on the road, which leads to lost productivity.
 
  可以將which leads to…這部分替換為現在分詞形式leading to… 即:
 
  Because of traffic congestion, commuters have to spend long hours on the road, leading to lost productivity.
 
  在寫作時可以嘗試著將不必要的關系代詞刪除,或者將其轉換為分詞結構或名詞詞組,這樣會更加簡潔有力。
 
  6.轉換詞性
 
  英語中有一部分單詞具有多重詞性,巧妙利用詞性轉換,可以起到更好的表達效果。舉個例子,要表達“他在上海度假”,我們可能會寫 He goes on holiday in Shanghai.
 
  但其實還可以寫成 He holidays in Shanghai. 這里將 holiday 作為動詞使用,含義是“在……度假”。
 
  又比如:
 
  (1) Arthur Ashe is the captain of the U.S. team.
 
  (2) Mr Li, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he does not believe in happy endings.
 
  上面句子可以改寫為:
 
  (1) Arthur Ashe captains the U.S. team.
 
  (2) Mr Li, who teaches creative writing at Yale University, is extremely funny and psychologically observant, but he is no believer in happy endings.
 
  第一個句子使用 captain 的動詞義“率領”,人物形象更為有力。第二個句子使用 believe 的名詞形式 believer,這樣語氣更為強烈。
 
  各位同學可以對照上面的幾個原則對自己的作文進行修改潤色,在考試前的最后幾天時間里多加練習,力求熟能生巧。最后祝各位考出好成績。

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